2021 Week 8
October 27, 2021
We had some traditional battles last weekend as well as some interesting matchups among the rest of the college football world.
Now I thought it was the 4th Saturday in October but on Saturday night there was that long-standing 3rd Saturday matchup between the Crimson Tide and the Vols. As has often been the case of late, Nick Satan's boys did their dirtiest work at night, crushing Tennessee 52-24. I'd have asked my good friend Johnny Majors for his thoughts during the beatdown, but he was passed out with his face nestled up against his bourbon bottle by the time the first quarter had ended. He didn't miss much.
Ohio State repeatedly penetrated the IU D, winning 54-7. Meanwhile the Fighting Irish sent a message to Southern Cal, busting the Trojans 31-16.
My Pitt Panthers have continued their fine campaign with a surprisingly easy win over Clemson. The Tigers continue to struggle and may need to use that draft pick they got for letting Joey Lawrence Jr go to the NFL on a new QB.
The wildest game was along the banks of the Hudson, as Wake Forest continue their surprising campaign with a 70-56 win over the Army Midshipmen. My good friend George Patton stopped by and started yelling about how shameful Army's lack of air defense was. He told me, "Beeno, the only way those bilious babtist bastards usually can score is if they're knocked out and serviced by some syphilitic hooker."
I don't understand General Patton at times.
In other service academy action, #2 rated Cincinnati survived a scare from the Navel Academy, holding on 27-20. Air Force lost a close one to undefeated South Dakota State, 20-14. I'm not sure how the Space Force team did, maybe they had a bye this week.
In the southern reaches Appalachian State kicked a field goal for a last-second win over Coastal Carolina, 30-27. The App State fans then rushed the field, tore down the goal post, tee-peed the coach's house, and bronzed the kicker.
In other Mountain Man action, Western Virginia pulled away to win a cross-sectional game against the TCU Horny Toads, 29-17.
Ole Southern Miss pulled away from LSU, 31-17. Coach Kiffin then congratulated Coach Ogre for breaking Kiff's SEC record for the largest coach's concubine.
There was one surprisingly close game as the Kansas Jayhawks gave Oklahoma all it could handle until the Sooners scored three times in the final period to win 35-23. I think OU played the wrong QB; a Rattler wouldn't play with its food like that.
The wildest game occurred in State College Station, as the visitors pulled a huge upset, with Illinois beating Penn State 20-18 in 9 overtimes.
Now I'm still a bit confused about these overtime rules. The game ended in regulation at 10-10. At first both teams tried to score but had to settle for field goals in each of the first two overtimes, making the score 16-16.
After that both teams apparently were trying not to score. Maybe teams are now getting style points in overtime for screwing up in creative ways. Penn State dropped passes, Illinois deliberately threw passes out of the end zone, neither team would run the ball, instead they both tried insane plays that looked like something Coach Sark would draw up while on a bender.
In any event, after 10 straight laughably bad attempts not to score, both teams accidentally did score but apparently Illinois did it worse so was declared the winner. Coach Butthead raced from the sideline, as happy as can be, but it turned out it was because he spotted and scarfed down a hot dog that an upset Penn State fan had thrown out onto the field. What a victory!
Next week we will see some bitter rivalries, like the Michigan Wolverines at the Michigan State Fighting Chippewas, Penn State at Ohio State, Hawaii at Utah State, and Florida's battle against Georgia in the World's Largest Cocktail Party located in the Gator's Bowels. Talk to you soon!