2022 Week 12
November 21, 2022
We are slowly making progress toward the best time of the year, bowel season.
The weekend before Thanksgiving delivered some very exciting finishes as well as the dramatic SEC cupcake weekend where we learned whether New Mexico State, Alcorn A&M HS, or Tennessee was the true weak sister cupcake of the weekend. The South Carolina vs. Tennessee 63-38 game featured some truly inept defense from the visitors. I haven't seen a bunch of cocks penetrate a volunteer like that since that porn star did a day-long sex marathon.
In regular non-cupcake SEC action Vanderbilt knocked off Florida 31-24. It's been a surprisingly good year for the Commodes.
MACtion excitement continued as Western Michigan booted a late field goal in the snow to defeat Seaman U, 12-10. Those gobblin' navy guys sure like to slip around in the stick stuff.
The top ranked teams all had a bit of a struggle. Georgia had a great defensive effort to hold off Kentucky 16-6. Undefeated #4 TCU had an exciting finish as their field goal unit had to race onto the field to boot the game-winner over the Baylor Bears.
Second rated Ohio State went back and forth with the Maryland Twerps before the Huckeyes got a late defensive TD to close out a 43-30 win. Meanwhile their archrivals Michigan, like TCU, booted their own late field goal to defeat Illinois and Coach Butthead, 19-17. It seems like all these top teams were caught looking ahead, even Coach Hayes was too busy burning Elmore Leonard books, maps of Michigan, and Ted Nugent albums to pay attention to the Maryland game.
The Big Ten had some interesting matchups. Iowa held off Minnesota 13-10 to retain the farming services of Floyd Rosedale. Indiana had a huge comeback to top the Michigan State Fighting Chippewas, 39-31 in double overtime - and thus took possession of the Old Oaken Spittoon Jug. I'm still a bit confused about these overtime rules. At first MSU and IU had a field goal shootout, but each was so inept at that they went back to regular football. Then they let IU have a possession and try a two-pointer, but only let Michigan State have a possession with no two-pointer, so the final was 39-31 instead of a possible 39-33, which may have mattered to gamblers who bet the over.
Georgia Tech had a great comeback to overtake the highly rated North Carolina Tar Heels. It was fascinating to see the shocked look on the face of UNC Coach John Mackovic Brown.
Notre Dame is really coming on of late and they had an easy 44-0 whitewashing of their Hobbit archrival Frodo College. After a frustrating season Oklahoma knocked off their rivals, Oklahoma State, 28-13 to take possession of that backwoods trophy, the Bedded Lamb.
The night ended with that most colorful and exciting of matchups, the Cheerleader Bowel between USC and UCLA. The Trojans won a back and forth game, holding off the Bruins 48-45. Southern Cal quarterback Caleb Williams threw for 470 yards in the victory. I now predict he will win two Heisman Trophies. And that he will take possession of a couple Golden Globes - but enough about the Song Girls.
We are now entering rivalry weekend, with hyped games like Michigan at Ohio State as well as in-state rivalries like the Ole Southern Piss/Piss State Egg Bowel game, Florida vs FSU, South Carolina vs. Clemson, and the Bama/Auburn battle for that greatest of all medical devices, the Iron Bowel. Should be great!