2023 Week 13
November 28, 2023
Whoa boy, we got through a thrilling rivalry week and now we're on to the conference championships, then some boring BS playoff stuff, then we finally get to the best part of the year: bowel season. I can't wait until Sunday night when we learn who will be playing in the Scooter's Coffee Frisco Bowel.
The biggest game of the weekend was played in Anne Arbor as Michigan held off archrival Ohio State, 30-24. Michigan welcomed back head coach Jack Harbaugh from a two-week vacation. I'm not sure where he vacationed but it must have been someplace sunny because he sure had a nice tan.
Up here we had to put up with Coach Hayes, who was not taking the result of the game very well. Coach Bryant likes to tweak Woody then get out of the way. This time he handed Woody a set of 12 inch miniature yard markers for Woody to tear apart if things went wrong. Late in the game Woody tried to rip them up, except they were made out of stainless steel so that didn't work. Next thing I knew Bear was doubled over in pain as Woody said "it's steel wedgie time, you hillbilly". I think Coach Bryant may ease up on the pranks in the future.
Elsewhere in the Big Ten there was an even higher scoring game as Northwestern completed a surprisingly good regular season by knocking off in-state rival Illinois, 45-43. I am similarly impressed with the improvement in the Illinois offense; with a couple more TDs they'd have scored more points than Coach Butt-head's waistband.
On the other end of the spectrum, Iowa kicked a last minute field goal to beat Nebraska 13-10. The surprise is that the other 10 points for the Huckeyes reflected a TD, an extra point, and another field goal, not 5 safeties.
Cross-state rival Iowa State didn't have scoring issues as they went on the road and scored 5 touchdowns of over 60 yards in length in the snow to hold off the pride of Missouri, Kansas City State, 42-35.
The big games started on Thursday night as Ole Southern Piss ground down archrival Piss State, 17-7 to retake possession of the Egg Bowel. The next day Oregon pounded Oregon State 31-7 to win the Civil War, although I'm sure there are some SEC types who will still complain about Coach Sherman's tactics in the ground game.
Kentucky stunned the highly ranked St. Louisville Cardinals 38-31. One of our more recent arrivals, one-time Oklahoma hoops coach Billy Tubbs, stopped by and watched the Sooners put up 69 on TCU. He said his OU teams usually scored more. I told him to get out with the namby pamby basketball stuff and Coach Lombardi picked Billy up and threw him out of the room. Don't need any basketball talk ruining my football watching.
Some of the other top teams had interesting games. Georgia had a closer than expected win over the Rambling Wreck. Florida State fell behind early but continued their undefeated season with a 24-15 win over the Gators. In the Apple Cup game Washington kicked a late field goal to beat Wazzu 24-21. The Huskies' passing attack seemed to be off, with many inaccurate throws. Given the aiming issues I wonder if Peyronie's Disease has struck Penix.
The wildest finish occurred at Jordan-Denny Stadium, as Alabama, trailing by 4 points and facing fourth and goal from the 31, threw a TD pass with seconds remaining to beat Auburn 27-24. I'm not saying that it was foolish to only have two guys rushing the quarterback, but I think it was compounded by having two of the defensive backs playing hackysack in the end zone.
So we move on to the conference championship games. See you next week