2024 Week 14
December 2, 2024
Well, that was certainly a great rivalry week! A lot of close key battles and a lot of fighting.
That's one of the underrated aspects of college football, the post-game melees. Arizona State won big in Tucson, 49-7, then celebrated by mocking the agricultural reputation of the University of Arizona by sticking a big pitchfork into the field. Florida had little trouble winning in Tallahassee, beating the Noles by 20, and planted a flag at midfield.
North Carolina State had a 35-30 road win over their nearby rival North Carolina and there was an altercation after the game. I'm all for celebrations but I don't think it was very sportsmanlike for the NC State players to honor UNC's retiring coach John Mackovic Brown by trying to plant their flag in his wazoo.
As usual I had Woody and Bo over for the Michigan at Ohio State tilt. Michigan pulled out a 13-10 upset win in a offense deficient field goal filled slugfest that had both coaches drooling like it was 1974 all over again. Then the Michigan players decided to plant their flag at midfield in Ohio Stadium. I'm not sure what happened after that on the field because the coaches started throwing chairs at each other and I had to duck. Woody is still pretty strong and he was able to clean and jerk a Barcalounger a good 8 feet, which knocked Bo off his feet. Bo then swang from the chandelier to try to get a neck lock on Woody but Woody ducked and fell on his rear end as Bo went ass over applecart and both men were seeing stars and were out for a moment. That was the end of the fight as their Miami colleague Coach Ara came over and started laughing at both of them. There's never a dull moment up here, at least not during football games.
In one of the great traditional intersectional rivalries, Notre Dame finished an 11-1 regular season with a high-scoring 49-35 win over USC. I would like to recognize Trojan quarterback Jayden Maiava for a valiant effort in defeat - he threw for 360 yards and 5 TDs, including TD passes of 99 and 100 yards in the 4th quarter. His 49 passes went to 11 different receivers - in fact his second and third most productive receivers played for Notre Dame. Now that's a quarterback who knows how to spread out his pass receptions.
Syracuse ended Miami's dreams of making the BS playoffs with a great come from behind 42-38 win. That's quite a finish to the season for the Orange Testicle. Elsewhere in the Big East my Panthers lost their fifth straight after a 7-0 start, falling to Boston College 34-23. Coach Sherrill is only 81 and has a couple new hips so maybe he can return.
Texas went to State College Station for the first time in over a decade and really shut down the Texas Aggie offense, winning 17-7. You'd think that even with these expanded conferences the SWC would ensure that game was played every year.
One of the most exciting rivalry games was Friday night as highly ranked Georgia was in a tussle with the Rambling Wreck. The game actually went to a 2-point shootout and Georgia pulled it out 44-42. In another ACC vs. SEC in-state tussle South Carolina defeated Clemson 17-14 on a 3rd and long Tiger dodging 20 yard TD run by quarterback LaNorris Sellers. I haven't seen a Cock twist left and right like that since the video of John Wayne Bobbitt's surgery.
There were also a lot of trophy games. Minnesota beat Wisconsin 24-7 and won control of Paul Bunyan's Ass. Ole Southern Piss beat Ole Southern Piss State in the battle for the Egg Bowel.
Indiana annihilated rival Purdue 66-0 for possession of the Old Oaken Spittoon Jug. And the Crimson Tide ground out a 28-14 win over Auburn to retain control of that most famous of medical devices, the Iron Bowel.
Well, we're now through the regular season and can focus on the conference title games, the BS playoffs, and the most important part of the year, Bowel season. We're just 11 days away from the first bowels opening up!